Are You Tough Enough to Get Your Country On?

20 comments
country life, Farm Life, For Fun, Photo Story

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(you can click on each image for a larger view)

Ya know you are country tough when:


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– you see a bunch o’ dudes hanging out in your yard at the break o’ dawn – mocking you, right next to the practice targets

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– a summer shower involves a brisk breeze, a wooden pallet, a solar shower bag, and some 4-legged, hairy onlookers

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– your kiddo’s best friend is one of those 4-legged, hairy onlookers

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– your truck has mud flaps bigger than those annoying electric cars

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– some of your friends pick up one of those annoying electric cars and put in the back of said diesel truck

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– your kid wears boots day &  night & day & night & day & night

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– you just watched 5 grown men riddle milk jugs with .22s and the daddy-0 of the group says, “this is how it’s done boys” before he blasts it outta the field over the fence with a shotgun

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– said “daddy-o” hands you the gun and say’s “It’s your turn; let ‘er rip, Darlene.”

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– your son buys you pink shooting muffs  ’cause he stole your black ones for himself

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– you take scissors to jeans to make shorts – and don’t know how to sew a hem

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– you’re man enough to dance in the grass with your gal

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– you’re woman enough not to pitch a fit when said man steps on your toes

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– gettin’ “down on the farm” is more than just a song

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– you finally get wooden interior doors and celebrate by burning the cardboard that you’ve been using as a “temporary” bathroom stall for nigh unto 9 months

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– you live at the end of the dirt road – literally

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– you get measured for your Mother’s Day present and it involves a quiver (or a trigger or both)

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– your dog’s bedding flaps on the laundry line right next to your husband’s tighty-whiteys

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– a nefarious dog catcher pounds on the door of your doublewide, you answer and “accidentally” let out your biggest dog (just after you whisper “sick ’em boy!”) ALL WHILE inside your humble abode, your son wears a coonskin cap, stands on the back of the couch, pokes the tip of his wooden rifle through the window blinds until it slams against glass, and hollers, “You better leave my mama alone, mister!” (and what the man can’t see is that the kiddo is four years old, in his spidey-man underwear, with a strawberry jammed face)

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– when your kids yells “BANG!” and your dog (gently, ever so gently) grabs said dude by his jewels — you don’t flinch, but you bite your lip, try not to laugh, and tell the dude to leave and come back later to talk to the man of the house

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– and when said dog dude gives you flak for being a woman who is under the authority of her man, you tell him, “Sir, if it were up to me, I’d take ya down, hogtie ya, roll you into the yard, smear ya in honey, let my other dogs outta the house, and go get my camera for a Kodak moment. Trust me, you wanna talk to my man. He may be a foot taller and weigh a buck more than me, but he’s much nicer. So, go on and git yourself off my property before I go Annie Oakley on ya.”

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– you crank up the stereo in the closest rig, herd all the couples onto the lawn, and give ’em a 2-steppin’ lesson with George Strait crooning in the background

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– living like “Little House on the Prairie” is a dream, not a nightmare (except for the whole long dress thang; yikes)

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– you overhear someone say to a little kiddo, “So Bub, do we eat cow chips or burn ’em?”

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– you get a concussion (on your birthday) (in the middle of January) whilst 4x-ing up in the mountains because you hang your head out the window like a dog at the very same time your man guns it on a bump — and you thump!whack! your head on the top of the window jam

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– you have so many “country-esque” things to write that you could be sitting here ’til the cows come home, but you decide to stop and save it for another post on another day (sorry and you’re welcome)

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* all of this happened. just like this. for reals. still wanna be my friend?

* 2-steppin’ image taken by my friend miss Megan M. of  WA state

(thanks for the shot of my double W’s)

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20 thoughts on “Are You Tough Enough to Get Your Country On?”

  1. Darlene,

    You scare me just a little bit. But heck yah, I still wanna be your friend; ’cause I sure as shootin’ don’t wanna be your enemy.

  2. Oh, dear! I accidentally snorted my coffee while reading this. The scene with the animal control officer….oh, I can just picture it!

    • Miss Erica!! That dude harassed everyone up our country road that day – I reckon he’ll think twice about getting uppity with rural womenfolk again.

      Blessings.

  3. like to see that buck on the left in a few more months when that velvet is gone…congratulations on the doors.

    • Sir Jeff,

      i reckon he’ll be hiding a bit more come autumn
      and yes, we’re all thankful for real doors on the bathroom!

      blessings.

  4. S. Etole says:

    I’m definitely rural and definitely not country-tough. Congrats on the occasion for cardboard burning.

  5. Christy says:

    Darlene, I had so much fun at the 4th celebration. LOVED learning the 2step. Did Gretchen post more pics? This is the 1st time I’ve read your countrygirl blog. I love it!! So glad God has brought us together as friends.

  6. Oh, I love that song :). All the other stuff? Some of the greatest things about country.

  7. dukeslee says:

    Darlene,

    I love you to the barn and back, my friend. I’m kind of a girly farmer’s wife. I have purple nail-polish and mascara and blingy bracelets, But I *do* know how to shoot a gun, navigate barbed wire, halter a calf, round up pigs, and step in a big, fat cow-pie without having a fit. 🙂 … I still don’t know how to drive a tractor, though.

    • Miss JDL –

      To the barn and back, aye? Well, right now we don’t even have a barn so I guess if we’re going from your barn to my house and back — that’s a real long way to love me. 😉

      I can drive a tractor. I didn’t say it’s purty though. It’s a might dangerous, in fact!

      Blessings.

  8. Just getting caught up on all you poetic ramblings. They do my heart such good.

    The beloved Swede (my husband) has a Matthews bow which I refer to as his mistress. And yes, yes he did, buy me a shotgun one year for Mother’s Day.

    I may live in New England, but I’m still a hillbilly at heart 🙂

  9. Pingback: independence & dependence — Gretchen Louise

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