Manure Shuffle – Wanna Dance?

2 comments
A Story, country life, humor
If ya don’t want to get anything on you and/or take a trip ’round the funny farm, I reckon you had better leave now.
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This is an edited version of my seventh blog piece, some 623 blog posts ago. Boy-howdy, that’s five years and whole lotta of writing. Anyway, here is today’s episode of countrified life application logic.
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Oh, lest I should be a rude hostess… to the buckaroos who stayed, you best tuck your britches into your boots before ya read on.
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On this chilly Saturday morning I see my husband outside doin’ some farm chores. Back and forth he goes as he pushes the full wheel barrow from here to there and back again. Is he bringing in firewood? No, not yet. Is he moving fresh hay to the chickens? No, not today.

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He is doin’ the Manure Shuffle. And I’m certain he’d be thrilled to the moon and back to know I’m writing about such a topic as this. (Oh indeed, he was, he surely was. Not.)

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What the hey-diddle diddle? What’s that? The Manure Shuffle?
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Yes sir, yes ma’am, although not generally spoke of in button-up sweater -n- loafer shoe crowds, because quite frankly, this is an often poo-pooed topic, the Manure Shuffle is a dance that every cow-pokey must perform. And if said farm-boy/farm-girl decides to neglect this activity, one’s critters, and likely some members of one’s family, would do a lot of poop-a-loop-a-trompin’. And there ain’t nothin’ fun about that. Trust me.
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So, whaddaya do? What’s an equine-centered family do with all them hot horse apples?
 
Well, we move it from the stall to the edge of the property and dump it into a low spot in the ground. I’ve heard tell of some manure movers who relocate it in a systematic manner, occasionally flip it, sometimes stir it, let ‘er simmer for nearly a year, and then add it to the garden for a reduce/reuse/recycle sorta vegetable mulch. Oh this sounds like a most yummy -n- magnificent manure mandate. Righto? I reckon once we get that low spot leveled off, we will trade the Manure Shuffle for Manure on the ‘Maters.
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Neato-mosquito Darlene, but what in Harry Hornbuckle’s wool underoos does this have to do with me?
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Some days it seems that all we do at work and/or home is move manure from here to there, and back again. Righto? And on a good day, it’s real chilly and the poo is froze so there’s not a lotta smellin’ going on whilst ya shake your tail feathers to the Manure Shuffle music. But, on the other foot, and on the not-so-good days, it’s high-noon-hot and the load you are pushing is warm and gooey and there’s a whole lotta stinkin’ going on. Goin’ up. (Goin’ up your nose, actually.)
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Land sakes, I nearly forgot to mention those daze when ya are in a hurry and the ole mind trap, trap mine, trap door, whatever, is a bit rusty, and yes, it’s one o’ those sizzlin’-spit-on-the-sidewalk-hot sorta days and the dern blasted front wheel drops into a badger hole, the barrow makes a frightful jump, and you get wallopped in the face with a steaming pile of horse turd pancakes. Okay, so maybe your stinky day isn’t quite so literal — maybe someone cut you off in the turning lane, or someone down-traded your Lean Cuisine with a week-old tuna sandwich, or your Spanx gave out and you bulged where ya wanted snugged… Just know, that some of us actually-factually have in real-life, horse turd-tastic days.
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pmc man shuf
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Yes sir, yes ma’am, and those are the times when you gotta wash your hands and face before supper.
 
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I reckon this is enough countrified poop-tastic logic for the day. Probably, it’s enough for the entire year.
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I’m sorry.
You’re welcome.
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2 thoughts on “Manure Shuffle – Wanna Dance?”

  1. You make me laugh. Aren’t you glad that’s your intention?

    BTW: I did the manure shuffle in the public education business — not near as much fun as the “real” stuff and probably more stinky — and just maybe — just maybe — more of it.

    Love reading your stuff. 🙂

    • Indeed, indeed, laughter was the objective. And maybe a little bit of “eeww-ing” too. 😉

      When I worked in the public education system, I, too, recall a few stinkers.

      Blessings.

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